Dedicated.

On Sunday, I watched as a group of my friends gathered with their families before the church body for Baby Dedication Service. At our church, this day is a symbol of the promise made by the parents and families to teach the babies the Word of Lord, help the children walk in His steps, and for the parents and church body to do the best they can to bring up children of God.

I've seen many Baby Dedication Sundays, but I found myself getting emotional (blame it on the 'mones...hormones...) as I watched so many of my friends walk to the stage holding their precious little ones. I realized how far we've all traveled in our marriages, friendships, and families. It seems like time is flying by as I watched friends who now actually have little babies...when only yesterday, we were all sitting around joking and dreaming about the future. I realized that their "future" is now here. On stage with them.

And ours will be here soon.

It was a neat thing to watch my friends commit to raise their children for our Lord, and I can't wait to make that public commitment in a few months' time.

In One Month? Really?

So.

Went in for my OBGYN appointment today.

Stepped on the scale.

I've gained 10 pounds.

IN A MONTH.

Wow.

The nurse and doctor seemed quite relaxed about this as I began to hyperventilate. I could hear a very high pitched voice saying over and over, "Really? Is this normal? Is this healthy? How is this possible?" I later realized the voice was my own, and I was freaking out. REALLY? TEN POUNDS? IN A MONTH!?!?

As she showed me my chart, she explained that this is exactly what she'd hoped for. Apparently, I had not gained any weight during my first trimester and had actually lost a few pounds. By month 4 of my pregnancy, I had only gained 5 pounds total (not for lack of trying, mind you....I'm a girl who appreciates her chocolate frozen yogurt. YUM!). I guess I was just so consistently queasy for those first 3-4 months that I didn't eat much at all and ended up losing weight when I guess I should have been gaining a bit.

Anyway, she assured me that with this surge of weight gain (which, by the way, all happened during this past month of GLORIOUS appetite-return where food FINALLY sounds good once again!) now that I'm done with my 5th month, I am now back on track with my goal weight.

However....

She did say that we proooobably shouldn't have any more 10 lb. months in my future, otherwise I would far surpass my goal weight. Ha! I assured her that would NEVER happen again. I mean, come on. My appetite finally came back (and seemed to increase--I'm hungry alllll the time), and I spent a week in NYC on vacation, where, I must say, I indulged in all the necessary vacation foods! I have no remorse for vacation treats!

It is good to know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be as far as pregnancy weight gain goes, but it is VERY hard to hear that a lot of it happened within a month. Especially since "WATCH YOUR WEIGHT" has been drilled into my brain since my early years of ballet training. Years and years of that mantra can do a number on a girl's self-image, teenager or adult.

So. I shall now get back to the daily(ish) exercise routine...and maybe cut out a FEW bowls of chocolate frozen yogurt during the week.

Maybe.

;)

Women. Can't Live With 'Em...

While minding my own business at work the other day, I was rudely attacked by a fellow teacher. Mind you, this attack was of the verbal kind, but still...no fun. The assault went down like this:

-Approached me all smiley and huggy and acting like we're friends.

-Baited me (still smiling, of course) with the topic that's been stewing in her mind for weeks, unknown to anyone else.

-When I don't answer with what she exactly wanted to hear (an apology for something I didn't do/didn't know about), she lowers her eyebrows and brings on the scowl.

-Rips into me for a laundry list of things that are not my fault nor have anything to do directly with me.

-Leaves me feeling baffled...but only for a few moments until I regain my witty composure and quick repartee. ;)

-By allowing her to talk herself into a hole, she now looks ridiculously catty.

-I walk away. The next day, feeling that she's overstepped, she brings me a cheesy gift for my unborn baby to 'make amends' for her bad attitude. With a curt smile, she turns on her heel and walks away, feeling unburdened once again.

While not very specific (on purpose...never know who reads this thing!), this gives you a glimpse of what was waiting for me when I arrived at work at 7:15am one morning last week. I had no idea this woman was privately upset, and it aggravated me that she tried to draw me in to her anger by PRETENDING to be very happy, huggy and hospitable, as if we were the best of friends. That, my friends, is what we women can do. Manipulate the situation, create sting attacks, dump blame on others with the curve of an eyebrow, and then attempt to walk away unloaded and carefree.

GAG!

I know that I am not exempt from this behavior when I look back through my past, and I just can't quite grasp why we as women have to be so randomly catty? As I get older, I realize that now I'd much rather hash out a problem face to face, honestly sharing what's got us down. I've never been afraid of healthy confrontation and conversation, even if it might be a little awkward at the moment. I guess I just don't like being set up like that. It completely unnerves me, confuses me and then leaves me loaded with guilt that I shouldn't be shouldering.

Yes yes, I know, random post with little detail. Just needed to vent, I guess.

I think that women have such unique qualities and attributes that can make people feel welcome, appreciated, noticed and loved. Women are special and so amazing, just as God made us to be. But I think we can all turn on that other switch...the one that makes other women feel hurt and confused. We all know we can do it, and I'm sure we all wish that we didn't, myself included.

I sure wish she hadn't done it to me the other day. It was tooooo early in the morning for that!

Soooooo...I treated myself to a large (decaf) chocolate and caramel mocha afterwards.

Because, if there's another thing women are uniquely good at, it is the use of chocolate to heal all wounds...! ;)

Looking Back.

June 2009:

--Anniversary trip with the husband to Dallas. Hit up IKEA, Medieval Times restaurant, saw The Wizard of Oz, and stayed in a marvelous hotel (thank you, Priceline.com). Little did we know this trip would be the start of another trip of a totally different kind....

--Took a weekend trip to Arkansas with a friend, all the while feeling a little odd. Little extra tired, little queasy, little bit....off. While I knew being pregnant was a possibility at this point (since I knew we were "trying"), it was a little too early to know for sure. I kept quiet about my wonderings, and it was a special time of prayer and hope and excitement.

July 2009:

--We took the pregnancy test on July 2nd early in the morning. We were both very tired, very anxious, and very ready to know. I had always thought I would take the test by myself, plan some super-cutesy way of telling my husband, a la Jesse and Becky on "Full House" with the meal of baby corn, baby back ribs, etc. Nope. We did it together. In our pajamas. With sleep still in our eyes. After waiting for the longest two minutes of our lives, we realized our lives would never be the same.

--Over the July 4th weekend, my mom and sister came up for a visit. Russell and I had JUST found out our amazing news, but we had decided early on to keep this a secret for a few weeks for a few reasons: we wanted this time to treasure our little secret together. We wanted to see our baby on the ultrasound before letting anyone else into our little secret. We wanted this time to share secret glances across a crowd when someone mentioned babies, and we wanted time to pray, talk, plan and accept the life changes coming our way. Those few weeks were precious. While keeping the secret was so very hard to do (especially with my mom and sister!), I wouldn't have done it any other way.

--During this time of secret-keeping, we were forced to tell little 'white lies' to family and friends to keep them off our trail. Some of these fibs included pretending to have a blast riding around the lake in a boat while feeling like puking the entire time, coming up with reasons for me to bow out of early morning activities when the nausea was at its peak, making it seem as though it was all Russell's idea to repaint all the cabinetry in the house when, in reality, I was so exhausted and queasy that I could hardly pick up a brush! So many little fibs....! ;)

--The first ultrasound appointment. Oh my. We were so very nervous. My body was telling me I was pregnant for sure, but there is something so reassuring about actually having your doctor give you the same 'diagnosis.' I was sweating so much during that appointment, not knowing what in the world I was doing, not knowing what to expect. I put so much pressure on myself to keep it together that I didn't cry. I was just shocked that there was actually a little blip on the screen. A little heartbeat. A FAST little heartbeat! Russell and I held hands as the doctor showed us a picture of what our lives had made. Together.

August 2009:

--It was finally time to begin telling family and friends our good news that we'd kept a secret for quite a few weeks. We were about to BUST at the seams with excitement! We told our parents and siblings by showing them the ultrasound photo during casual conversation, which produced quite the effect! (My mom thought we were tricking her at first, and Russell's mom buried her face in her hands for what seems like ages before shrieking with excitement! So funny!) I told some of my girlfriends by going out to lunch before a showing of "Wicked," and while one of them blessed our food, I laid out the ultrasound across the table. Funny thing was, when they opened their eyes, it took a minute for them to figure out which one of us was the preggo this time around! We told our coworkers and, of course, our Internet pals later in the month. It was unbelievably fun to send out the mass texts and emails, publish the blog posts we'd been editing and re-editing privately for weeks, change status updates, make phone calls, all with the purpose of sharing our news! FINALLY!!!

--School started back up, and I wasn't quite done with the morning sickness. Never in my life have I been more happy to have 1st hour planning period. Let's just say not a lot of 'planning' got done in those early morning hours the first few weeks! I would sit in my empty classroom, the walls spinning, praying that I could make it through one more day with this new crop of students. I got through it, and, luckily, never tossed my cookies in front of them. ;)

September 2009:

--My belly started to pooch at about 12 weeks, and I was into maternity pants by 16. WOW. What a change! I have always been very careful to watch my weight (13 years in ballet will drill that into your brain...!), so I decided to do the same during pregnancy. With the occasional chocolate treat. Or two. Or three...on a hard day, of course. ;)

--Due to my mom's loss of a baby due to spina bifida, I was sent to see a specialist to determine my risk factor for the same loss. It was such a scary appointment to go through. It was basically just a higher frequency ultrasound during which the specialist could try to determine whether or not our baby was at higher risk for this condition. We were so nervous and worried, but we had already come to the conclusion months before even trying to get pregnant that we would love and protect our babies no matter what. When the specialist determined we were at no higher risk point than anyone else for a baby with spina bifida, I must say we were relieved to spare our child from this hardship. However, I felt a strange peace throughout the whole process knowing that my Father would take care of me no matter what just like we were committed to this child no matter what. A humbling lesson, I assure you. (We also got a surprise sneak peak at baby with the 4-D ultrasound--so cool!)

--My fingernails and hair began growing at a supernatural pace, and, I gotta say, I didn't mind! Other physical changes: burping like a man, decrease of nausea, increase of energy yet a new appreciation for after school naps, the husband letting me know my belly was "firm not flabby" (thanks, babe), and the Bella Band came into play...which led to maternity pants. Gotta love 'em.

October 2009:

--One of the sweetest feelings in the world: feeling my baby move around inside of me. It took a few days to distinguish these movements from random gas bubbles, but I finally realized what was going on. Our baby was rolling around in there, and, while it felt a bit like an alien invasion in my innards, it was the most amazing experience in my life to date. Wow.

--It's a GIRL!!! While I had no inklings either way, we were so excited to find out we'd be having a little baby girl. Russell was a bit of a (manly) mess in the ultrasound room when the nurse showed him "daddy's little girl," and we were once again full of news to share. We hosted a party for some friends to reveal (with the help of pink icing-filled cupcakes!) our news after calling our families.

--My mom, sister and I went to New York for the fourth time, and, when I met them in the airport, I revealed our big news with a pink shirt! We were so excited to add another girl to our girl's trip to the Big Apple.

--Russell felt our little girl moving around a few days after I returned from New York. He laid with his hand on my belly for soooo long after I'd already felt her kick once just moments before. He waited and waited and waited, holding his breath and being so very still....when finally there was a little 'bump' under his palm. What a special moment to watch Russell as Dad feeling his baby girl move. So sweet.

Can't wait to see what the rest of 2009 brings....

Student Involvement.

This past summer, when I knew I was pregnant before starting school, I worried how my crop of new students would handle this little added information about their new teacher. I worried that they'd think of me as weak or hormonally crazed or something. I expected lots of whispers behind my back or jokes about how "she's just being that strict because she's pregnant and hormonal," etc.

However, I've been pleasantly wrong! I teach five classes of Seniors all day, and they have really surprised me with how involved they want to be in the pregnancy (within boundaries, of course). For example, a week or so before we went in to find out whether we'd be having a baby boy or girl, I put a chart up on the board in my classroom allowing each class to vote and choose.

It was sooooo funny to hear them analyze what they knew of my pregnancy and utilize all the 'old wives tales' before making their decisions. They'd make me stand up and turn sideways to see if I was 'carrying high or low.' They wanted to know all of my cravings (peaches, Lemon Berry slushes from Sonic, mustard pretzels, California Club from Jason's Deli, Cappuccino Chunky Chocolate frozen yogurt from Braum's), and then they'd try and figure out if I had more of a sweet tooth (indicating a girl baby, apparently) or a salty craving (boy?). The most ridiculous "test" they wanted to run on me was to have me lay in the middle of the floor, and then a few of them would dangle their car keys over my belly until the keys started to turn in left or right circles!!! Ha! I, most obviously, did NOT partake in this little test, but they were cracking me up with their attempted 'diagnoses.'

(20 Weeks)

Another strange phenomenon that has been taking place in my classes is the abundance of unsolicited yet highly appreciated snacks that keep appearing on my desk. I think the kids believe I'm going to whither away since I've told them I'm against the "eating for two means eating DOUBLE your regular intake" mentality. I think they're worried about the baby not getting enough nutrition....so their solution? Snacks. They've brought me cans of fruit juice, Cheeze It's, Twinkies, BBQ Baked Lays, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Starbucks coffee, and a few random packages of candy. Apparently, it slipped their minds that these snacks aren't too healthy, but I have to smile whenever I come in and find more offerings on my desk, usually signed "To Baby Kern, From 5th hour" or whichever class it happens to be from that day. So sweet...in their high schooler-y, can't show too much emotion, gotta keep my cool-factor way. I'll take it...the snacks and the kindness. :)

I think the students have also caught on to another trend: one day, one of my girls asked me how far along I was. At the time, I was about 4 months, and she replied by saying, "You are SO TINY, Mrs. Kern!" I replied by sarcastically saying, "And you are SO GETTING AN 'A' in here, Kate!" Now, I get loooots of 'you're so tiny's in hopes of grade improvement. Not happening, but it IS nice to hear over and over....especially as I'm starting to appear NOT so tiny as each week passes. Ha!

Also, most interesting name suggestions from students thus far: Sapphire and Appolonia. Yep.

And, finally, these little goodies have made their way into my home, my purse, my desk, my life:

Dang. Thought I could avoid it. NOPE! Bring on the heartburn, Baby!

Big Belly in the Big Apple.

For the fourth time, my mom, sister and I ventured off to the great New York City. We love our girl's trips, and NYC seems to be our favorite place. We shopped 5th Avenue, explored Central Park and Riverside Park, ate at a few cute cafes in the Upper West Side, took the bus to Battery Park and Lincoln Center, saw two Broadway shows (Mary Poppins and Phantom of the Opera) and Bill Cosby at Avery Fisher Hall, and did lots and lots of talking. I love these girls.

A few pictures from the trip (I can't figure out why it underlines the text sometimes. Weird.):

The big reveal (it's a GIRL!!!) in the NYC airport.

Cafe Lalo, our favorite Upper West Side eatery.

5th Avenue.

Always stop in at Tiffany's on 5th!

Can't beat Central Park in the fall.

Clever, I know.

NYC library on 5th Avenue.

My sis and I in Central Park.

Atop a turret atop a castle atop Central Park. See the skyline back there? Love it.

But I love these two (three....!) even more.

My girls.

Pink.

It's a girl!!!

Although I had zero "feelings" one way or another regarding our baby's gender, I must say that we are quite pleased with the outcome. Especially Russell. He was permanently wrapped around this little girl's finger the moment the nurse said, "Well, here's Daddy's little girl!" He lost it. I think he secretly wanted a girl all along, and I can tell you in full honesty that I can't picture a better man to raise a little girl.

You see, they've moved my due date up a bit, putting it almost a year to the day that my dad passed away. What an addition to this testimony God is building around me of His faith and renewed hope that THIS little girl represents. She will have a daddy that will cherish her, support her, encourage her and provide a wonderful example of God's love for her. For these reasons, I couldn't be more peaceful about the due date being moved and the fact that this little girl will have such a wonderful father. All in God's timing and plan...as I am constantly learning.

Well, we had SO much fun telling everyone our exciting news, and we told some of our friends by baking cupcakes with color-coded icing inside. When everyone took a big bite, they found out what we were having! What a fun evening of baby talk that ended up being!

The next day, I was off to NYC to meet up with my mom and sister for our fourth Girl's Trip to the Big Apple. I had kept the gender a secret, and I told them I'd wear a color-coded shirt when I met them in the NYC airport. (It looks kind of white in the picture, but the shirt was pink! I promise!) They were so excited! I'll post more pictures of the NYC trip soon.

(Pardon the airplane hair and outfit. That was a looooong day of travel, people!)

Finally, the shopping has begun! I am not a huge fan of pink, but I guess I'm going to have to get over it a little at least. Plus, I couldn't resist these items on the streets of NYC:

It has been such a fun season of this pregnancy. I thought the time would never get here when we could find out the gender of our baby-to-be...and now we know! It seems that time is flying by...and I hear this rapid pace continues on and on.

Here's hoping these moments of joy never slow down.

:)

Out of the Darkness.

Today was a hard day. But today was also a good day.

At 10 o'clock this morning, my sister, husband and I participated in the Out of the Darkness walk in our area. This is a group of people trying the best way they know how to raise awareness about depression and how it can lead to suicide among many different age groups. It was a sobering sight to see so many families of all different walks of life gathered together to remember those they have lost to suicide. We were all so different, yet we had all been through the same loss.

I thought it would be a very depressing and emotionally-draining event, but I was wrong. Of course, there were tears and sad moments as the speakers shared stories of those they'd lost, as we prayed for peace and understanding, as we cheered for a better future. However, the tone of the day was actually one of surprising joy and relaxation. Some of these groups knew each other already, and, as this was our first time participating, we stood and watched as families hugged necks and held hands, supporting each other as only those who've shared a similar loss can do.

We were each given a balloon at the entrance upon which we could write the name of the person lost to our family. My sister and I didn't know what else to put, so we just wrote out "Dad." On some of these balloons were lists of family members and friends, all lost to the tragedy of suicide. I know my loss is my own, but it was quite humbling to see how this has affected so many others.

After a prayer, we all released our balloons. It was completely silent except for the sounds of soft tears. It was quite a moment.

Next, we started out on the three-mile walk around the river area. It was a crisp morning, the sun was shining and the breeze was gentle. I felt such a wave of peace wash over me during those three miles. As simplistic as it may sound, the cool, calm weather was yet another reminder that life will go on. God will make another tomorrow.

As we finished the walk, I noticed another feeling which brought peace to my heart and tears to my eyes. My baby was moving around inside my belly. Softly, gently. Another reminder that our Lord can bring life out of death, peace out of sorrow, hope out of despair.

Today was a hard day. But today was good. So very good.

Fried Fat Ball.

No no, friends, I did not actually order one of the most disgusting items on the menu at the state fair: fried balls of lard on a stick. GROSS. However, on our Spontaneous State Fair Date Night, my husband and I were on a mission for food...and we found what we sought!

First up, hot dogs. He opted for the polish variety, and I wanted mine on a stick wrapped in delicious fried batter and smothered with mustard. Mmmmm, fair corn dogs are the best.

Next, the husband desired a fried brownie...and he found it! Please know that he tried very hard for the perfect brownie-goo placement on his front teeth for this shot. Gotta appreciate the effort. ;)

And....for the grand finale.

After a snack of warm kettle corn, I found my heart's desire. My true love. My once-a-year fetish. My greasy guilty pleasure.

Fried Oreo's.

OH MY GOSH. These things are the best menu item at the fair, and only one little booth provides them. Each year, I have to hunt them down like a hawk, and I will NOT settle for anything less than my glorious fried Oreo's.

Yum. Yummy yum yum.

I'm always grateful when my husband's classes get cancelled...especially when it means Spontaneous State Fair Date Night....

....and fried Oreo's. Either/Or.

;)

It's Actually Firm.

A conversation with my husband last night:

Husband: "Your belly is looking more round today."

Me: "Thank you?"

Husband: "Lemme feel." (Palms my rounded belly). "Oh man, it's actually firm. Weird."

Me: "Excuse me? Weird?"

Husband (realizing the inevitable hole he has begun to dig): "No, I mean, like, I thought it would be, you know, kinda....jiggly."

Me: (raised eyebrows)

Husband (falling quickly into said hole, shovel in hand): "No no no, I meant, well, I guess I didn't know it would be as hard. I thought, you know, since it is getting big that it would be squishy or something...."

Me: "What do you mean, squishy? Did you think I was just getting a little pudgier out front?"

Husband (searching in vain for a ladder from the depths of the hole): "Uhhh, I just thought that....oh crap..........I love you."

Me (one eyebrow cocked in mock perturbation): "Careful, mister. This rounded mass of firm pudge is half your doing, you know."

Husband (slowly removing hand from firm pudge mound): "Um, you're pretty."

Oh husbands, so funny to watch them dig their own hole! He is a good one, so I'll keep him. But...next time, maybe don't be shocked that my expanding gut is not made up entirely of fat.

;)

16 Weeks!